Your Birth-Day

I finally went into labor this morning. I was scared and did not really know why. I called Daddy to come and get me to take me to the hospital. As he was coming to get me, I prayed and asked God to send me a guardian angel. Little did I know how important that would be for me. I was so tired and thirsty, I took a drink out of the little fridge and drank it. He came home and we proceeded to the hospital. Once we got there, my nurse hooked up the ultrasound. She told me she needed to get the doctor, and he came in. They could not find your heart beat. He looked at us and told us you were gone. I screamed and told him to hurry up and get you out and fix you. There was a tear in his eye that fell as he told us there was nothing he could do. He gave us some time alone. Later, I would be so grateful for that.

When he came back we talked about options for your birth. He told Daddy that if at all possible, he would recommend that Mommy give birth to you and that we not have a c-section. He went on to tell us that it would be better for Mommy because she would not have a scar that would always remind her of the surgery. It would also be faster for me to heal, and not hurt as much. We decided to take his advice. He set up a Ptosin to help me along a bit faster. I talked to the doctor and told him that when Madeline was born, I was on some kind of pain killers and I did not remember much of her birth. I also told him about being in the hospital at times for my depression, and not being able to remember everything, or know what I was doing at time. I told him it was really important to me to remember your birth, and the details of it. I want to remember what you look like and your beautiful face. We also talked about pain management, and of course I did not want the pain either so he had the nurse give me morphine. I am not sure how much was given to me, but I am here to tell you, I sure felt the labor pains, and whole lot of pain during your birth. I am proud of your Daddy and I for being able to bring you into this world. Although you were still born, I am blessed to be the one who was chosen by God to be your Mommy.